Yesterday I felt unstoppable. I spent Wed weepy and dejected, after hearing negative responses from interviews, employment agencies and--I swear to god--random strangers on the street. I also tried to dye my hair back to its natural color but instead of light brown ended up with almost black hair. And so, after calling Garnier and complaining, I collapsed into a stupid, sniveling mess in my stupid, messy car. (Unrelated, kind of: If you have a second, check out reviews of Garnier's Blow Dry Perfector. It was probably my mistake to trust a company that sells and heavily markets a product like that.)
A few minutes later, when I'd mostly gotten a grip, I got on the 10 and headed to the beach. It is a scientific, documented fact that no one throughout the course of history has ever been able to feel bad at the beach (except, as I say that I wonder about battles that were fought on beaches, and the homeless people who populate Venice). Let me amend that: throughout the course of history I have never once felt bad when I was at the beach. I'd been to the boardwalk a few times since I'd been back, but this was my first time on the sand and near the water and even though the waves were icy I headed straight for them.
Camille's cure for depression: 10 minute ocean baptism, followed by 30 minutes of watching the waves while you dirty your fingers by digging them into the sand. Add a small serving of gelato, along with approximately 30 street vendors calling you beautiful as you walk by. Finish with a good friend who offers encouraging comments. Repeat as necessary.
I firmly believe that a day of feeling sorry for yourself every once in a while is absolutely necessary, but any longer than that feels self-indulgent and detrimental. That's why I felt unstoppable when I woke up yesterday morning--because I'd gotten it out of my system and moved on. I cleaned out my car and my room. I signed up for things. I made plans for things to come and never once doubted that I was on the right path. It was totally great and I was exhilarated but highs like that are really difficult to maintain.
Today, I'm back to normal. I am still hopeful and optimistic but less 100% about things than I was yesterday. Building a life takes a lot of hard work and it would be totally disingenuous of me to say that I'm not also a little nervous for my future--professional and personal. At the end of the day, though, it comes down to one thing: all I can do is put one foot in front of the other, and so that's what I'm doing, with as much grace and positivity as I can muster.
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