Yesterday I felt unstoppable. I spent Wed weepy and dejected, after hearing negative responses from interviews, employment agencies and--I swear to god--random strangers on the street. I also tried to dye my hair back to its natural color but instead of light brown ended up with almost black hair. And so, after calling Garnier and complaining, I collapsed into a stupid, sniveling mess in my stupid, messy car. (Unrelated, kind of: If you have a second, check out reviews of Garnier's Blow Dry Perfector. It was probably my mistake to trust a company that sells and heavily markets a product like that.)
A few minutes later, when I'd mostly gotten a grip, I got on the 10 and headed to the beach. It is a scientific, documented fact that no one throughout the course of history has ever been able to feel bad at the beach (except, as I say that I wonder about battles that were fought on beaches, and the homeless people who populate Venice). Let me amend that: throughout the course of history I have never once felt bad when I was at the beach. I'd been to the boardwalk a few times since I'd been back, but this was my first time on the sand and near the water and even though the waves were icy I headed straight for them.
Camille's cure for depression: 10 minute ocean baptism, followed by 30 minutes of watching the waves while you dirty your fingers by digging them into the sand. Add a small serving of gelato, along with approximately 30 street vendors calling you beautiful as you walk by. Finish with a good friend who offers encouraging comments. Repeat as necessary.
I firmly believe that a day of feeling sorry for yourself every once in a while is absolutely necessary, but any longer than that feels self-indulgent and detrimental. That's why I felt unstoppable when I woke up yesterday morning--because I'd gotten it out of my system and moved on. I cleaned out my car and my room. I signed up for things. I made plans for things to come and never once doubted that I was on the right path. It was totally great and I was exhilarated but highs like that are really difficult to maintain.
Today, I'm back to normal. I am still hopeful and optimistic but less 100% about things than I was yesterday. Building a life takes a lot of hard work and it would be totally disingenuous of me to say that I'm not also a little nervous for my future--professional and personal. At the end of the day, though, it comes down to one thing: all I can do is put one foot in front of the other, and so that's what I'm doing, with as much grace and positivity as I can muster.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Hi. I'm Camille. I'm 25 years old and living in Los Angeles. From May through September of this year, I moved to New Orleans from Los Angeles. I've been back in the City of Angels for just over a month now, staying with friends as I re-initiate myself into the City of Angels. Despite somewhat pesky material circumstances, I'm about a million times happier than I was last year, and maybe even as happy as I've ever been. Even though I'm broke and uncertain of my future, the very act of beginning to live my life the way I actually want has made up for all the doubt and uncertainty that sometimes clouds my spirits and creates a knot in my stomach.
I'm not sure if you've heard--you may have been under a rock or in a coma or a professional model for the last two years--but we're in a major recession right now. I try very hard to not listen to the news of our dire economic straits but statistically, every single person in America is looking for a job right now. I was lucky enough to resign, but unemployed is unemployed (and I'm not eligible for unemployment).
During my short time back, I have been totally staggered by the number of people--literally, almost everyone I know--who have said to me, "Dude. I've done that. It kind of sucks, but it's worth it," and so I want to record my experiences here. I never would've expected the multiple joys and frustrations of making my moves on instinct and faith. I think maybe, possibly, they might be interesting. And I want to find out about everyone else who's doing this or has done this. I think at the end of the day that's what's going to get me through. So. Here I go.
--Queen Navel Gazer
I'm not sure if you've heard--you may have been under a rock or in a coma or a professional model for the last two years--but we're in a major recession right now. I try very hard to not listen to the news of our dire economic straits but statistically, every single person in America is looking for a job right now. I was lucky enough to resign, but unemployed is unemployed (and I'm not eligible for unemployment).
During my short time back, I have been totally staggered by the number of people--literally, almost everyone I know--who have said to me, "Dude. I've done that. It kind of sucks, but it's worth it," and so I want to record my experiences here. I never would've expected the multiple joys and frustrations of making my moves on instinct and faith. I think maybe, possibly, they might be interesting. And I want to find out about everyone else who's doing this or has done this. I think at the end of the day that's what's going to get me through. So. Here I go.
--Queen Navel Gazer
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